Movie	Die Another Day
Nutshell	James Bond as fever dream in which some guy is going to melt the world with diamond satellites and so he builds an igloo and melts it for..okay forget I mentioned this.
Good Things	Hmmm…. Nice title song though it made a guy get up to tell the theater something was wrong with the sound in the auditorium. Rick Yune is nice looking for one scene. John Cleese doing the John Cleese thing.
Bad Things	The fetching Rick Yune turned after one scene into a scary ginger hybrid. A little LOUD for my taste, thanks. What?!? I SAID IT'S A LITTLE LOUD FOR MY TASTE! Some of the most ludicrous sequences ever. Rarely do I gape open-mouthed at sheer bizarreness in movies. Rarely.
Features	A moment where he is like in an avalanche and then somehow snowboarding down the avalanche and even my mom turned to me a whimsical shrug as if to say, "Oh what can you do?" PROMINENT product placement (Oh my God is Bond going to escape? I don't know but LOOK AT THAT WATCH!) Aston Martin with ejector seat. (Hehehehe I said ejector.) Judi Dench, Pierce Brosnan, Halle Berry, Toby Stephens, Will Jun Lee, Kenneth Tsang, Michael Gorevoy, Rosamund Pike as Miranda Frost and Michael Madsen in a role that will make you say, "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?" and not in a good way.
Uncomfortable Moments	Madonna shows up and she's a fencer and just stands there with a pinched little face and all you can do for the entire scene is have your mind flash repeatedly. MADONNA IS IN THE MOVIE. AND SHE'S A FENCER.
Notable	I freaking paid $8.00 and carted my Mom out to the movies and Bond dies in the first 20 minutes? What the hell is THAT?
Best Part	Okay $8.00 is less than good drugs and an acid trip is included.
Best Line	"Mojito?" Don't laugh. It's all I remembered and I had to strain for it.
Crowns	1 out of 5